“Gravedigger, come dig my grave for me,” I whispered as I held the razor blade over my wrist.
This wouldn’t be the first time cold metal would pierce my skin. The smell of copper would soon fill the room and I would become light-headed. It was what I wanted. I wanted the escape - to journey closer to the edge. I wasn’t sure yet if I wanted to cross over but each time I went closer the better I felt when I came back. Such a strange thing life is. Here on the edge I get just a taste of what else is out there.
I tried explaining it to my psychologist but he just shook his head and sent me to a physiatrist. The bevy of pills that man tried to dose me with was ridiculous. As he was listing the issues I had to my mother I couldn’t help but sing it Greased Lighting style. Why this girl is automatic, systematic, hydromatic. Why, she’s Schizophrenic.
Right. I was the one who was schizophrenic. It wasn’t my fault he wasn’t able to see what I could. If a physicist proved that there were other dimensions surrounding us, I doubt he would be locked away and told he was crazy. But alas I am no genius who can do insane math problems in my head, so I must be the crazy one. My last journey was enough to prove that I wasn’t crazy.
I met a man with a scar that ran from his left temple across his face to his right side of his chin. My mother would have ran from him. I couldn’t help but approach him and wonder why he was staring at the wall so intently. His weak smile made my heart pause for a moment. He couldn’t grab ahold of the flaking wall and his spirit faded with each motion he made. Help me, he mouthed and I nodded.
“What’s your name?” My voice sounded almost musical in this dimension.
“Francis Grace.” It wasn’t hard to see that speaking caused such great pain to the man. “Can you bring it to my mother?”
“Where does she live?” I wasn’t going to ask him what it was, there was no need. I knew that once I woke up I had to escape from this prison and find that wall.
There was nothing worse than waking up to the bright lights of the emergency room. Maybe if the people on this side understood how confusing it is to find your way back home they would keep it dark. Bright lights belong to the other side while darkness belongs here. I’m not sure how many times I have tried to explain it to the nurse but they always just shook their heads and walk away. They didn’t understand that they were representing the darkness with their actions.
“Ms. Carry please be still.” Nurse Janice had no patience today for me. She’s seen me dozen times since I was thirteen.
“No time for this nonsense, I have to go.” I yanked the IV from my hand. Janice knew better.
“Emily, don’t make me dope you.” Janice was already making her way to the call button.
This couldn’t happen today. I had to help Mr. Grace. He needed his soul to rest and I knew where the wall was. I had seen it before and it wasn’t too far from here. But before I could throw my limp legs over the edge of the bed an orderly had me pinned down while Janice pumped me with a new cocktail to help me rest.
My foot itched from the blanket covering it. Whatever they filled me with wasn’t doing the trick. Instead of drifting off to a lovely catatonic state my skin felt as if thousands of ant were slowly creeping across it. I knew if I were to struggle in my restraints they would come back, but I really wanted to scratch my foot.
The halls of the hospital were quiet. It must have been late, but I couldn't tell since I was kept in a windowless room. They seemed to think if I was to have a window I would jump to my death. I’m not sure why they thought I was suicidal. I’m not suicidal, nor have I ever attempted suicide. What I was doing wasn’t to meet death, I was just crossing over. Besides I’ve met death that several times while I was quite alive.
The room suddenly went cold. I looked around for what spirit had come to visit. I couldn’t see anyone, but I knew they had come for me when my wrist loosened and the locked door swung open. The spirit must have been Mr. Grace, since I had promised to help him. It was nice that he was returning the favor. Then again I wasn’t of much use to him strapped down to the bed.
Faster than I should have moved I threw my hoodie on over my head and slipped into the jeans my mom had brought me. The room spun in a lopsided circle but I wasn’t going to let that stop me from finding that wall.
The wind whipped around my face. I didn’t have any money to call a cab, so my only options was to walk. The wall was ten miles north of the hospital. The one good thing about living in a small town is you know where everything was without even having to think about it. The white flaky wall was in an abandoned church yard that I used to play in as a child. I remember that on every Sunday spirits would show up for the services. I would wonder if they knew that the building only had half a roof and a missing wall. The ghost pastor didn’t seem to notice one bit.
The sun broke through the fog as I entered the overgrown church yard. A few birds chirped from the tree just outside the gate. The wildflowers were taking over the walkway which shimmered in the morning dew. Each barefooted step I made was carefully placed not to step on a single one. The flowers looked as though they breathed sigh of relief as I passed them unharmed. Francis Grace stood at the doorway waiting for me. The pain on his face was no longer there.
“Thank you,” I whispered as I passed him.
The wooden pews had been beaten by years of being exposed to rain and snow. There were still bibles scattered along the floor and above the altar was a beautiful stained glass dove. It was so peaceful to look at. The morning sun made it glow so bright that it crept into my bones washing away the cold that gripped me so tightly.
Mr. Grace paced along the west wall. I didn’t know what I was looking for but he let me know this was the wall. A small crack in the plaster made it easy for my fingers to grip and pull it apart. For how damaged the wall looked, prying it apart was proving to be more difficult than I thought.
The sun reached high noon before I pulled enough plaster away. Dust from the wall covered my body and made it hard to see. Not to mention I was on my tiptoes peering into a dark hole in the wall. A rickety chair was nearby. I grabbed it and prayed it would support me. In two unsure steps I was up peering into the dusty space. Off to the left I saw something and twisted my arm in ignoring the sharp pain tearing at my wrist and there it was. A small blue box.
“You found it.” Francis’ eyes started to water.
It was strange to watch a man with such a terrifying face, one that would send most people running, break down and sob. He was just as vulnerable as me. I wanted nothing more than give him a hug, but I wasn’t on his side. I couldn’t touch him.
“Where does she live?” I asked, hoping it would be close enough for me to walk to.
Francis grabbed hold of my hand and we were no longer in the church. An unexpected serenity came over as he held onto me tightly. I always thought I would be scared if one of the ghosts finally touched me, but there was nothing scary about this. Where Francis had taken us was hot. I felt like I wanted to melt. The only protection from the intense heat was the cool draft radiating from Francis. His hand felt cold wrapped around my fingers. There was a woman in her sixties knelt down in the garden pruning roses.
“Mrs. Grace?” I inquired.
She jumped and accidentally snipped one of her fingers. “Yes?”
I held out the blue box. “Your son wanted you to have this.”
Her hands shook as she took it from me. Inside the box was a pearl necklace with a small emerald hanging from it. “How did you get this?”
I didn’t expect her to sound angry. “Francis had me bring it to you. I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you.” She breathed.
Something warm trickled down my hand. I didn’t want to look, because I knew it was my blood. I must have ripped out my stitches when I was digging the wall apart. I reached out for Francis as I fell to the ground, but there was no loud thud or pain as I hit the cement patio.
I stood over my body. I guess it was finally my turn to make my way over. Francis’ hand was warm when he touched mine.
“What happens now?” I asked, but I knew I wasn’t leaving the other world this time.
“It’s time you start your new life, little one.”